Originally penned/published: Sept 20, 2012
So last year I said that I think dating is stupid.
I still agree.
I’ve went on a lot of “not a dates” in the last year. These, in my world, are chunks of time spent with someone of the opposite sex that I COULD POTENTIALLY have interest in dating in the future but simply want to get to know better. Typically it’s an afternoon or evening with a few beers, hopefully laughs, and random conversation. These are totally cool btw. I’m loving them. No pressure, it’s over when it’s over. I hold very little if any expectations for them.
For me, I think it’s the best way.
However, I have been on some actual dates too. These – I rarely enjoy as much.
So what’s the difference? There’s an expectation with the dates. I can feel it. There’s this ritual, this séance, this whole rigmarole of standards and ways and expectations:
He opens the car door
You climb in and turn your head, you MUST smile to show thanks and kindness
He closes the door for you
You buckle your seatbelt
And then, If you’re thoughtful, you reach over to his side and unlock the door for him to enter the car ….
And blah blah blahhhhh….
Call me whatever you want. I get tired of this.
Who cares??? Why the séance???
Or call me an anthropologist. Lol! I like that soooo much better!
I mean, this shit is nice once in a while but every time, it makes me wanna puke.
I also grew up in the northeast where this stuff is rarely done so it catches me off guard and I just don’t care for it very much. It’s the kinda thing where – if done once in a while, on a special occasion, or just because the man thought to and WANTED to in that moment – then HELL YEAH I appreciate it.
But I hate routine. Things like this lose their luster if done every time.
So I was on a date last night. That included these things.
(I don’t mean to sound unappreciative, they are NICE, but yeah, yeah, yeah… we just went over that….)
K, so a few things stuck out to me.
- I seemed to be this person’s entertainment. I remember having a great time, but I was being silly and laughing and feeling creative and saying funny or abrupt things – all of which I enjoyed! I was sort of entertaining myself. But he??? Mmmmm… he was blah. Bland. I even tried getting him to loosen up a bit with a short, quick ‘say whatever word comes to your mind’ game and…. He couldn’t really play. I could see the calculations. The thinking. I exclaimed: “Stop thinking, just speak!” But he couldn’t. Or wouldn’t. Mmmm….. k, moving on….
Story 6, he told. A girl he met one day. 6 years ago in Brooklyn. She asked him to take her picture. He did. They spent part of the afternoon together. Turns out she was heartbroken over a relationship that never actually happened (mmm hmm, yeah girl, I been there!). But anyway, they were riding the train and she was crying over this man who broke her heart. And the datee continues to say, “Y’know I felt awkward, like everyone on the train was looking at ME like I broke her heart!” Seriously??? Wtf. Who the F cares what everyone thinks of YOU!! The woman is crying! Console her. Why are you telling me a story about how YOU felt rather than what you did to try and help? Ugh. People will look at you regardless of what you do. That is a given. Just be who you need to be. …. K, moving on….
- Story 12. He admires Ted Turner. Why? I don’t really understand. Some bullshit about seeing a documentary about how he built his empire. Then he won some international yacht race, blah blah blahhhhh…. But then also about how he does a lot of land preservation?? Okay, maybe I believe it. I wanna see the evidence. And how much??? And then, how he doesn’t waste his money??? MMmm hmm… okaaaaay. That’s a highly subjective claim. (“Don’t paint me a picture of the hooker with the heart of gold” – from The Usual Suspects.) But really tho, who cares?? So he asks me after story 12, “So who do you admire?” I reply with a shrug and a slightly curled lip, then I say flatly: “Nobody famous.” And he looks at me like something he doesn’t understand but thoroughly admires.
They’re fuckin stupid.
I’m kind of over it.
I’d rather just go have some beers.