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To Uncover Other Stories of Coerced Sex in Relationships…

Originally penned/published: September 19, 2013

 

If there’s a book that you want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it.” ― Toni Morrison.

Same goes for stories. Or poems. Anything really…

 

So I saw this article a few minutes ago on Sociological Images:

 http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2013/09/17/from-the-mouths-of-rapists-the-lyrics-of-robin-thickes-blurred-lines-and-real-life-rape/

It’s about this Robin Thicke song , Blurred Boundaries,(which I have never heard. I reside underneath the pop-culture rock) and how the lyrics of this song are some of the very things rapists say to their victims just before they attack.

I was about to leave work in a few minutes so I didn’t really read the article. Just the sentences in the photographs.

I wanted to see if they resonated.

See… they’re painting this song to be about the blurred boundary between consensual sex and assault… though most of the sentences sound like pre-assault ones to me. I see no blurry-ness there.

So what am I writing for?

I had an experience once. With an ex-boyfriend of mine.  Who was my boyfriend at the time.

I have since referred to this experience as rape – followed by hesitation, uncertainty – but I have ultimately held that even though I didn’t want to have sex and I SAID I didn’t want to have sex, that because I didn’t fight hard enough, it must not have been rape.

And maybe that’s true. Maybe it isn’t.

Regardless, my point here isn’t to define or label. It’s simply to express.

I want to see an article about this. About giving in to unwanted sex within a partnership. About coercion. About feeling like you can’t say “no” or feeling that you “owe” them access to your body – and about how fucked up that is.

About abuse.

 

Hmmmm….. I haven’t written here in a while and this is a hell of a first post from a very long absence.

But it’s real.

There hasn’t been much that’s inspired me to write. Or, no, that’s not true.

There hasn’t been much that I felt I NEEDED to write. That I was COMPELLED to.

Compulsion.

But this is one of those things.

 

And so his last sentence to me was, “I need to believe that you’re mine again”

… we had been slipping apart… this was apparently his way of trying to keep me, his

And my sentence was silence.

And gripped sheets.

That’s a pretty shitty sentence.

I mean, mine can’t be scrawled on a poster to hold in front of my chest for people to read … I can make no visual display of my words… But if there was a picture from that moment… It’d be worth more than 1,000 words.

You would see the entire story.

I know this.

 

And so, I suppose I go looking now, for articles online to read about women and coerced sex in relationships. 
I suppose I go looking for the other stories for my story to mingle with.

To not feel like the odd-one-out

I suppose I go looking for a community of stories to shush the quiet tears of regret

For a community of “I never thought of myself as a victim of abuse”

And though I don’t feel weak

I know there are scars.

Plenty.

 

There are days where I think I am healed….

How funny…

How whimsical…

Peace.

“Not Resolutions” – A Follow-up

Originally penned/published:  November 4, 2012

So I intended to write this post months ago. July to be exact. Because, I thought, “that’ll be 6 months in so I can check up on my progress.” But I’m not so good at dates and plans and time and pressure so here it is. 5 months late.

:)

  1. Read more. I am shooting, initially, for 1 hour a day or 7-10 hours per week. I have a busy schedule. And I sidetrack easy. We shall see. (I suppose I have to actually keep numerical track of this…. Uuuggghhhhh NUMBERS!!!! Ugh!!

    1. Y’know,  I probably have done this on most weeks but I haven’t been tracking. I read a lot on the internet:  articles, stories, poetry. And I’m currently reading like 12 books at once. I do that. *shrug*. The ones I like the best I finish more quickly and spend good chunks on. The ones I like the least get left on my side table underneath poems and notebooks, my stuffed animal platypus.

    2. I did FINISH one book so far this year though! It was short. Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. And it was amazing. I loved every bit of it. So glad I “borrowed” it from my ex. And he ain’t getting it back!

  2. Keep writing. Right now, I’m probably averaging OVER 7-10 hours per week. BUT, like above, I suppose I ought to keep numerical track of this…. Yuck. (I think I just spit out a 7. “ptuhh”)

    1. Mmmmm…. This has ebbed and flowed. I have not been so committed. It’s definitely gone up and down. And I definitely need to track this better.

  3. Give up daily caffeine. I decided NOT to give up coffee entirely. I love it. It makes me happy. It feels like “morning” to me. BUT once my current bag is gone I’m going to switch to decaf. And stick to decaf tea.

    1. I DID THIS!!!! YYAAYYY!!! :)  lol, No but yeah. I did give up daily caffeine and I feel good without it. I do sometimes have caffeine on purpose if I really want or could use a jolt of energy, but that’s probably 2-3x a week maybe and usually in the afternoon.

  4. Exercise 3x per week. THIS may be difficult at times. In order to stick to this I need to not pull any 12 days straight of work…. Which… *sigh*… we’ll see. But I hit the gym twice since the new year, twice just before it. SO, I have some steppin’ up to do but “the body is a temple” and if I want to be a writer, well then, I suppose my work will only be as good as that which creates it! AHH! Which takes me to….

    1. Oohhhhhh…. This is an uber-fail. I haven’t been exercising hardly at all this year. I’ve done it in spurts! Like a week here or 2 weeks there, then NUTHIN. BUT I have a potential plan -> see numero 5.

  5. Giving up alcohol for a while. Undetermined. Don’t shoot me or say “you’ve gotta pick a timeframe and stick to it.” F that. No I don’t. If there’s any good way to get me to NOT do something, it’s by putting a parameter on it or rules or regulations. I can regulate myself quite incredibly. Just watch. And I’ll keep you posted as to how long I go.

    1. Soooooo yeah…… lol. About this.

    2. :)

    3. Ummm…….. SO! I decided Friday evening that I’m giving it up for an undetermined amount of time.  I thought about it for a good bit during the week. This was a great week btw – very, very inspiring and empowering. I had some wonderful teachers!

    4. So today marks 3 days, which isn’t really noticeable in my habits yet. But I’ll probably be feelin the urge sometime next week.

    5. Yeah, and from #4. Part of my strategy in order to exercise more is to substitute exercise for drinking.

  6. Get at least ONE piece of creative writing published this year in some outlet. Preferably 2 or 3 but I’m giving myself some breathing room here.

    1. Soooooo….. this hasn’t happened. There is still time to submit I suppose however I haven’t spent a whole lot of time reading a variety of ‘zines so I fear if I try to submit something this quickly it might be misguided, and therefore, not accepted. We’ll see. I’m not going to hold myself so stringently to this timeframe. I will do it when it makes sense and feels right.

  7. This should maybe be part of #2 but I like 7. Write 100 pages of my memoir. (at least). And this, luckily, my computer will keep track of!!! HOW AWESOME!!!

    1. WWOOOAAAHHHHHHHHHHH…. So. Not a lick. Not barely even a small smidgen of a bite into these 100 pages hath been penned. Yikes. :( Thanks for staring me in the face, unattained goal.

    2. But maybe….

    3. Maybe it has made sense this way. I wonder if I’m more far off on writing this well than I thought. Knowing me, heh, I probably am. I will write this. But I will do it in the right time.

    4. It will take time to do well.

 

So that’s all I’ve go for you today. I haven’t been blogging nearly as much this year as I did last year. Perhaps that will change in 2013. Perhaps it won’t.

And ummmm…… and I still have an issue with the word “resolution.” Buuuuuutttt I’m working on these things.

 

Oh, and the next age is going to be a Waterworld. Look at New Orleans. Look at NYC. The oceans are trying to claim us. I’m convinced they’re going to win. Though most likely not in my lifetime.

 

But time will tell us this all, wont it?

:)

Sho nuff.

 

Peace.