I’m having a really sad day, friends. My heart is broken completely.
Two years ago I completed the workbook, Calling in the One: 7 Weeks to Attract the Love of Your Life. And y’know what? It worked.
I met my him at a holiday work event for the industry I work in. He came over to me and said my name so profoundly, like he meant it. I looked at him, leaned in to see his nametag and I said his in return. Then I looked up in his eye and felt like I got punched in the chest.
I walked away.
I didn’t know what that meant. What was that feeling in my heart?
My intuition is spot on, all the time. This was big. He was someone important for me, for sure.
After a brief chat with some people i knew, I got the courage to go back and start a conversation with him. I complimented his pants. He’s an impeccable dresser. We exchanged laughs and a whole lot of knowledge. And business cards.
A few days later I get an email from him, asking if I would like to get together and see what else we might be able to talk about other then the correct pronunciation of my hometown.
He is also very, very witty.
Shoot forward a couple of weeks and our first date was a blast! He picked me up at 7 for dinner and I think we stayed out 3am! We had great dinner, conversation, we ended up at a bar kissing to Prince. The staff talked to us like they thought we’d been together a long time.
We just fit.
Well, what was the happiest, most joyful, fulfilling, truly loving and caring relationship I had ever experienced changed shortly after he got a new job contract. And it was big. I was happy for him, truly. But time became scarce. Attention even less. Slowly our dream-like love began to dissipate.
I remember one day last June or July, looking forward to spending the day together and being shocked when all he wanted to do was watch his favorite TV show, that I’d never seen, and he didn’t care whether I wanted to watch it or not. Or even if I hung around to watch it with him.
Some folks say that people never change.
People change man. They do.
Though, I could also ask, “Was this a change in him? Or is this just also who is and how he occurs sometimes?” I think both could be true.
It didn’t take long for me to end our relationship the first time. He clearly just stopped doing all the things that love does.
“You’ve gotta learn to leave the table when love’s no longer being served” Nina Simone
Today, one year later and after a years' worth of "still trying," I am still heartbroken. But I have learned so much. I don’t believe I ever ever loved anyone as hard, as enduringly, as deeply as him. And maybe I will again. Maybe I won’t.
But the thing about soulmates is that they are people too. You may meet yours and they may not want the same thing as you.
Funny, how it never occurred to me that I really could Call In the One
And he may not want to be with me.
Not everyone wants their soulmate.
I still do. But I will still date and find love, regardless.
A love that doesn’t leave the table.
About an hour ago I went to a local cafe and bought a huge piece of German Chocolate Cake, which i wholly plan to demolish later this evening.
I shared with the young man behind the counter that I was heartbroken and said to me,
“I know your heart hurts. But there is one part of your heart that doesn’t hurt. Focus on that part.”
Oh, how I love West End, Atlanta.
I will friend, I most definitely will.