freedom

No One’s Leaving Should Be A Threat

Originally penned/published: Jan 4, 2016

 

greatest-gift.jpg

I like this quote, but I don’t love it. I found this the other day while browsing quotes on freedom for the previous post. I’ve been thinking a bit about acceptance lately in relationships. No one is perfect. And there are some people who, for me at least, I just have a hard time being around. For whatever reason, something in their personality is a rub for me. But in our close relationships, everyone we love is going to drive us crazy at some point.

I just finished a 6-day trip with my best friend. I know I drove her crazy at times, and she drove me crazy too. But at the end of it, through humor and silliness, we are able to shrug off any irritations from each other and still have an amazing time and come home still loving one another.

I watched my parents over the last two days as well. They both have ways in their personalities that irritate each other. And you could see it pop up almost daily, in small doses. But they let it go.

And that’s beautiful.

What I don’t like about this quote, however is “without the threat of you leaving.” I guess, that’s fair maybe for our closest relationships, the one’s we’ve committed to, but I see this more applicable in an every day kind of way. So I re-fashioned it a little:

 

the-greatest-gifts-you-can-give-someone-is-the-space-to-be-themselves-acceptance-of-who-they-are-inspiration-to-achieve-their-dreams-and-plenty-of-room-to-grow-even-if-their-growth-i.jpg

 

I think I value more the human’s ability to fully self actualize, to pursue their dreams, to find where it is they really need to be and among whom much more than I do committment. (Oof. This may lead to another post but let’s get back on track for now): Not everyone you meet and join up with for a while is going to be on your journey for the long run. And even those who are, sometimes the distance changes. As we grow, we change, and sometimes that means we need to leave.

I don’t think anyone’s leaving should be a threat.

Really, it’s a message. Could be one of many:

This place/relationship no longer serves me

OR

There is something I need to pursue that is of ultimate importance, so I cannot stay

OR

Maybe there is not another thing or place or venture I have to go to…. but I can just tell that this place is not right for me.

In short, I just don’t think we should take it as a threat when anyone leaves us. There are always reasons and lessons. And sure, it may be sad, it may hurt a lot! But I believe people need to do what they need to do and they ought to be able to feel supported and accepted in their pursuit of their full selves. Even if that means leaving…

…but maybe I am a just a super-individualist. Or a claustrophobe. Or a runner. Or a changeling.

Or I just really, really, really love feeling free.

Good Day family.

Practicing the Responsibility of Freedom…

Originally penned/published:  Jan 2, 2016

So far in this new year I’ve been thinking a lot on freedom. The concept of freedom, what that means to me and what it looks like, how freedom acts within my body… whether or not that action is always good…

I’ve also been thinking on the consequences of feeling a lack of freedom in certain areas of my life as well as wondering if it’s possible to have too much freedom…. or what having more freedom might mean in regard to freedom’s opposite… whatever that is…

Lol, anyway here we go! I’ve got a lot of quotes and messages and images on my phone about freedom. When my phone starts up there is a message that I programmed in there that says, “Practice Your Freedom” – a phrase I saw a friend write on Facebook some time ago that really resonated with me. But I think I am wondering and needing to better learn how, and how to do that well.

My favorite quote on love is, “You should love in such a way that the person you love feels free” by Thich Nhat Hanh. I find freedom and comfort in the company of my friends and family with whom I can be fully and completely myself. I think that, essentially, is the essence of true freedom for me: To be able to be completely, 100% authentically myself without fear of negative repercussions.

I think I pretty much have that in my personal life. Professionally, I think, is where I would like to have more of that. Since my work has taken a bit of a larger role in my life now to date, I feel like I am sacrificing more by being “on” more often and in a more significant way.

And, yes, I do think it’s worth it for all of the good that I am able to do in my work. But I also feel like after a few years of it, I’m going to seriously need more freedom. More time just being myself, without having to impress or convince or fundraise or… I think I could end up burnt out.

I also came across this quote this morning on Pinterest:

And I think that’s the rub. Y’know, my soul is not a hologram of my resume + cover letter, it doesn’t wear blazers and heels, it isn’t always proper and it’s language ain’t always PG.

I like the freedom to be fully expressive. And I feel a bit cornered at times by not always being able to be that way.

Eventually, I think I am working toward self employment. This is an interesting discovery period, however, in finding out what that will look like, what I will incorporate, what kinds of activities really feed my soul and help me feel most free and most empowered.

But at present, without having all of that knowledge yet, I am currently reflecting on the below:

It takes great bravery to exercise great freedom. And a LOT of self knowledge to do it well and masterfully. And in a healthy way. I know there are ways I’ve been poisoning myself: Drinking too much, Not eating very well a little too frequently…

And other ways of just not living up to my full potential. So for now, I’m going to explore that.

You can find me where I’ll be finding more of myself:

Practicing freedom and practicing love.

...At It Again

Originally penned/published:  Dec 12, 2015

 

I’m not really sure what this is going to be about, so I’m just gonna write.

Actually, that’s bullshit. I know very well what this is about. It’s been on my mind all day…

 


Y’know I only write when I’m single. And I’m horrible at transitions. Both in writing and in life. Bear with me…

If I cannot write in a relationship then I think I don’t ever really need to be in one. Because this is the best place for me. I feel alive.

I have been reflecting on being ‘newly single’ again… well, I dunno how new it is actually, it’s been about 6 months but I’m new back to dating again and whatnot. I still think dating is stupid. But that’s not what this post is about.

This is about inspiration. Pursuit. About a soul on fire.

See, I think that’s the best place to be:  On fire.

Not literally, of course, but spiritually, emotionally, energetically

I wrote this earlier:

“Go with the one that excites the f*ck out of you.

Go now.

Go often.

And maybe you don’t stay forever.

But stay as long as that fire in you keeps burning…”

I guess this is where I am now:  burning.

Aflame.

It’s an exciting place to be.

And honestly, I don’t have any desire to be anywhere else.

“Go with the one that excited the f*ck out of you”

I have.

And “stay as long as that fire keeps burning”

I will.

The traditional relationship is not the place for me.

I’m still burning…

 

It's Not That Difficult, You're Just Doing It Wrong

Originally penned/published:  April 29, 2013

It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.
Friedrich Nietzsche

I’ll begin with a bit of dialogue between myself and a colleague on Friday:

“Marriage is difficult.”

I nod my head, “So I hear.”

“No, it’s really, REALLY DIFFICULT.”

Nod head some more, “Okay.”

I have never been married. Fair enough. But I have a very close example in my life of two people who are married and who are gloriously happy. Granted, it’s not perfect. Nothing ever is. It is not a dream-sequence. But its good, damnit. REALLY good. And I’m sure it took work. Still TAKES work. But growing takes work. And I definitely know all about that.

My concern here was the tone in his voice and the persistence in his speech. Yeah, I get it. Marriage is hard. So I’ve heard. Yep. But we all know that. You knew that going in! Anyway, he proceeds to tell me about his schedule. How he used to travel twice a month and since he’s been married (which, I believe is somewhere between 9-12 months) he’s only been away twice. I, personally, think that’s striking and I wonder why he hasn’t been away more.

He continues with, “It takes compromise. Sacrifice”

I nod. I know this.

But he says these like they’re REALLY SERIOUS things. Like… like maybe he’s compromising or sacrificing too much. Perhaps he is? I think about the travel. Sure, I imagine when one marries they may need to make changes. You lose a little bit of the freedom you once had. And especially when there’s a child involved. But, generally speaking, I think as individuals we ought to watch HOW MUCH we compromise and what things. There are some things you must maintain for your sanity. Emotional health. For your overall well-being. Those things, I would argue, are not really compromise-able. A healthy and happy Joe Black, single, is better than an unstable, overworked, exhausted, and stressed-beyond-belief Joe Black, married.

I would also argue that we’ve gotta watch out for our people. Our friends, family, and most definitely lovers or partners, to ensure that they’re still healthy post-whatever life changes they’ve made. Sometimes we don’t realize we’re unhappy until we’re already there. But as friends, family members, and yes, even as someone’s lover or partner, we can realize when they’re not happy. And we have to have the confidence and the trust and the better judgement, and damnit, the maturity to share our observations. And then the willingness to RE-compromise, renegotiate really, if things aren’t working well for both parties. And be okay with it. Use it as a growth opportunity.

Growing is good. It hurts. But it’s good.

You cannot compromise the things you love. They must be incorporated.

 

And sooooooo you all know how I feel about dating. I think it’s f*cking stupid. At least the typical American style of dating.

It’s dumb. Really. No, no really. It’s really, really dumb.

lol

And here’s why. It’s because it has “roles.” And people actually subscribe to that and then become them, own them… I mean, are we in a play now? Is this a movie? You = doorholder/payer (sometimes) and your role is to impress me. Be kind, seem strong, give the impression that you’re financially stable or perhaps “well-off” if you so feel. You should be reasonable and even tempered…

And then here’s me: I’m sweet. Docile. I wear a dress. I let you open doors. I am agreeable, supportive, pretty….

Ugh.

Have you ever heard of anything SO BORING????

Are we supposed to just pretend like we’d be the perfect wife or husband??? Give me a break. No wonder why there’s this “honeymoon period” in so many American relationships. BECAUSE EVERYONE’S PRETENDING!!!

F*ck that.

So why am I bringing this up again?

So I recently started “seeing someone” – you could say – orrrrr however you wanna say that. It’s new, there is no title, but we shared that we’re not seeing anyone else… and so yeah. And I kinda don’t want to see anyone else. At least not at this time.

So anyway… so yesterday a friend texted me to see if I wanted to go to brunch. Or, at least I thought he was a friend. I replied that I would love to (I love going to brunch btw) but I was cooking brunch for someone already. Then I followed with the whole I’m-seeing-someone-now-so-any-future-outings-must-be-strictly-platonic…. And honestly… I liked this person. And previous outings hadn’t really been overly non-platonic. I think we kissed once. When we were drunk. Lol. But I was hoping for a strictly platonic future outing. I value this person. And I have many male friends. The male-female friend thing is not impossible at all to me, it’s quite a good reality actually. Most women make me crazy. But anyway, I was surprised to receive a message back saying, “My bad. I won’t bother you anymore.”

Jesus.

Really?

  1. You’re not a bother. If you were, I would’ve told you long ago to leave me alone, but more importantly

  2. You really have no interest in being my friend. Geez…. Wow. Thanks. (<— note the sarcasm)

So here’s my sadness to all this. When meeting people, as a single woman, I honestly approach everyone as a potential friend. (if I find out they’re legitimately crazy or just do awful, awful things… Then no. We won’t be friends.) But I approach everyone with the concept of finding out what they’re about: their visions/dreams, their goals, values, their work, integrity, their peace…. I’m always curious to learn something from someone. And so…. Man… I guess I become sad when I find out later that they did not have the same approach as I. They weren’t genuinely interested in knowing me.

I guess, though, there’s really not much of a reason to be sad, there’s just a reason to grow:  know that not everyone is or even wants to be your friend. And that the people who really want to be in your life, and the people who belong there, will be present and will stay. Everyone else…..??? They’re probably not the best for you. Have faith in that.

Okay, maybe it’s not typical American dating that I’m so frustrated with but perhaps the typical American…

So in reflection on my colleague – this morning I was thinking about his comments and his conclusion:  he whisked off to Costa Rica for 4 days, against the wishes of his wife, to rest, recuperate, rejuvenate… I also wondered why she didn’t want him to go. The man is visibly exhausted. Shoot, I wanted him to go. It’s clear he needed to get away.

And while eating breakfast this morning and listening to my best friend/roommate’s phone conversation with a supervisor, and her subsequent complaints after…. Which were a little irritating to me first thing in the morning but I listened… I thought, “maybe it’s not so difficult at all…. Maybe you’re just doing it wrong.”

I finished my coffee, breathed the irritability out and re-found my peace.

So in reflection:

Breath in.

(finish your coffee)

Breath out.

Re-find your peace.

And keep friendship first.

Be good, good people.

<3

So I Decided to Give Up Alcohol Indefinitely

Originally penned/published:  November 18, 2012

“He who conquers others is strong. He who conquers himself is mighty.” – Lao Tzu

 

As of the last post I was 3 days in. I’m about 2 1/2 weeks in now and feeling just fine and dandy! Though I’ve been here before so it’s not new territory and hence, not very difficult.

The last time I gave up the alcs tho I was in a different city so this is new in that I have new friends to maneuver this with. Thankfully, my friends are the shit. Easily sneeze.

 

Speaking of sneezing…. my face has been leaking and exploding for about 36 hours now. It crept up on me slow, like a fog. Like before i knew that shit, I was sick-face a F*ck! WTF!! (pssst, on the low:  I think my best friend/roommate gave me her sickness. She’s lucky. I love her too much and am spraying too much mucus to even have the energies to be upset. lol)

 

SOOOO the alcs.

Its not so bad really. Been drinking a lotta tea like my friend Ham. I think that’s cool. I’m saving money, that’s for sure! Beer budget —>>>> meet savings account!! WOOOHOOO!! lol

 

But I feel kinda like dis about it:

I feel just fine. Why do we need to drink anyway? To relax? To “let go”? To escape into some lesser form of consciousness, all stupid-faced and bumbling at the mouth with dumb shit? Funny, sure. But dumb. And its BAD for us! Like, REAL bad. So why???

 

I said in my last post that I was going to try and use exercise as an outlet instead of drinking. Welllll…. that hasn’t really happened. Lol. Tho I did exercise a little this morning to try and sweat this sickness out, but not out of stress. I think I’ve just been resting. Which is probably exactly what my body needs.

 

And besides, wouldn’t it be all the more awesome if we could just let go of our inhibitions and act silly and weird and have fun and run around like kids WITHOUT the alcs? Like, how FREEING could that be!!! I’m serious!!

So that’s my intention.

 

So if you see me running, sprinting up and down the street most likely, at a party sometime in the near future – yeahhhh that’s probably just me sprinting.

I have a tendency to wanna sprint when I’m drunk. So watch me put this into full effect sober. High on chamomile and shit.

 

watch.

You’re going to think I’m crazy.

 

And perhaps that’s my plan….

 

“Always

keep them guessing.”

 

One.

<3

Do You Worry About the Presence Time forgets?

Originally penned/published:  August 29, 2011

Do you worry about the presence time forgets?

Do you worry about it at all?

Do you worry about the fall?

Winter?

Spring?

The changing of seasons.

Do they change you?

Do you allow them to?

How do you negotiate the weather?

Weathered tides upon the threshold of day,

How do you negotiate your own destiny?

Your plans? For the future?

Do you free write? Writers?

Do you free-speak? Speakers?

Do you free live? Livers?

They must call it the ‘liver’ because it’s really important for you to live.

They must call it that because it’s important.

This life.

Essential, actually.

Can I touch it?

Your liver?

I don’t really want to, but would you let me if I did?

What do you let touch it?

What don’t you?

What do you live?

Where?

How?

When the threshold of day is upon you,

What do you do?

How do you guide? Follow?

Who do you let lead?

Or what?

How do you live?