Originally penned/published: February 1, 2013
My stepmother loves the sound of my father’s voice. “It’s soothing” she says.
For a while I wondered if it had become soothing to her over time, or if it just was outright from the beginning. I never asked her. But I’ve thought lots about this as, in my singledom, I’ve spoken with a few men whose voices I would say the same about. I could listen to them aaallllll daaayyyyyy… like, “just tell me stories please. I’ll just lay here on the couch and listen to you.”
:) Like that.
I’ve also noticed myself talking to a few, in a very calm but very, very assured and confident manner – a way I take note of. A way that I talk with my Dad when we have our conversations about life, philosophy, society… whatever we tend to go in on at the time. Sometimes I speak SOOO ELOQUENTLY when I’m talking to him. It made me wonder, like, “why the F??” Why does that only happen with him and so very few others? I think in some ways it’s the topic, but I also think it’s something else too…
But anyways, I’ve thought a lot about the ole adage that women look for their fathers when the look for a partner. And, my Dad is like, remarkable. Pretty, ridiculously, life-altering-ly remarkable. Soooo I’m kinda screwed there… jk. But I do think it’ll take a while. Perhaps. We shall see…
But anyways, there’s this poem that I LOVE, called, or referred to as “Last Love” by Rachel McKibbens (youtube that. It’s incredible!) in which she says, “look for your father. And not the one you can point to on a map but that one that is here” and she points to her heart/chest.
To me – that’s a place where sound reverberates. And feeling.
I’ve been paying a lot of attention to that space lately.
To know it better. And to learn what each sensation means. It’s been a good but difficult process, but I know it’s working. :)
And so I pay attention to that place when I listen to people, or just when I’m around them. Sometimes it shivers, sometimes it trembles, but sometimes, every once in while, it will lie still or feel so full I think I might burst with joy. Sometimes it just smiles too.
There are some people I LOVE to listen to. And there are some whom make me nervous or uncomfortable. And I do believe that some of it is because of their sound, and also their rhythm. And sure, the things they say most definitely matter too, but my goal is to point out the importance of sound and rhythm.
So I’ve been reading a wide variety of things since I left grad school. I read like 10-12 books at once, it takes me forever to finish one usually but I just like variety in that realm. One of the things I stumbled upon in the last year was an article on NPR about children’s tantrum’s – their patterns and rhythms:
“scientists found that different toddler sounds – or “vocalizations” – emerge and fade in a definite rhythm in the course of a tantrum. “
“tantrums are no different than thunderstorms or other natural phenomena.”
So what am I getting at???
Welp, if the inside of you sounds like thunder, then it will comes out in the way you speak.
And if you try to mask or strangle it – we will know, for some of us are attuned to the maskings and stranglings…
And if your inside is easy and calm like a river – we will hear that too…
We hear you.
In all you sounds and rhythms, intentions and emotions,
We hear you.
And be loved.