Originally penned/pubished: Jan 29, 2016
I’m so grateful to have so many different varieties of people in my life. I have a very varied friend-group, colleagues, acquaintances, people I know who live far and I don’t see but I love and connect with somehow…
Someone once made a comment that I had a very varied group of friends.
Then later said, “you are a combination of your 5 closest friends” – which I think is quite true.
But I think beyond your inner circle those you keep around you still say a bit about who you are, what you admire, who you can sometimes be, and maybe what you might grow into…
I’m writing this because I recently realized how much I really cherish effort. I have been, y’know, sorta-kinda-somewhat-maybe-not-entirely-but-almost-kinda-seeing-someone-and-maybe-it’ll-never-be-serious-but-I-think-we’re-both-learning-here… type thing.
And loving the learning process without any kind of pressure. This someone is very different for me. My friends have noted. And they’re right. The someone can sometimes be abrasive, brash, totally un-PC (not that I always am by any means tho…), blunt, crass… y’know, all the best things, lol
(I actually quite appreciate these qualities, even if all of my friends don’t, but anyway…)
This someone is certainly not perfect right. But is anyone?
One thing I noted to my friends the other night though was effort.
I find it funny that despite the critique that 1 or 2 of my friends have shared of the someone, that the someone has genuinely put in more effort into our non-relationship than my last ex ever did in almost 1 1/2 years. This is a someone who isn’t necessarily committed, right? A someone who is moving clear across the country like… in 2016 sometime. A someone who, who knows?!
But a someone with who we’re just enjoying each other, whenever. And learning too, along the way.
But man… effort man… Effort.
My last ex – many would say is probably one of the nicest men they have ever met. And he is. Genuinely kind and good hearted. Wouldn’t hurt a fly unless it was a zombie-fly trying to eat the brains of one of his loved ones…. you know…
But kindness can only take you so far. I know this. I often say, “there’s never anything wrong with being
nice'” – a phrase my Dad once told me years ago, that I’ve kept because, well, he’s right. Even if you don’t agree with someone, you can still be nice.
But relationships require more than ‘nice.’
And I think I’m learning how much ‘nice’ matters. And how much compared to other things.
I think I pick hard work and effort any day over ‘nice.’
(I’m from Massachusetts. We’re not always nice. But we do work our a**es off.)
So, I’m grateful for effort. For work. The hard work. The not-sexy kind of work that people do every day to accept others, to learn others, to become better versions of themselves and to try and understand folks who might not be just like them.
I’m grateful to myself and my open mind, that I’m willing to give aa chance to someone who wouldn’t seem like someone I’d normally date or ‘not-date-but-chill’ or whatever…
There are so many different forms of value. So many ways that can be valued by all of us. If we are willing to see…
I’m grateful I can see that.
Here’s to not keeping love out, for all the yielding that would take…
To practicing love and increasing joy, wherever you can find it.
And to finding it nearly everywhere.