I tend to spend most of my time with free-spirited, artistic folx.
So it has come to my attention, again, that many men who do not fit that bill do not expect, and are even practically flabbergasted, when the universe presents them with a free, radically authentic woman.
They're all like, "you're FUNNY!" which is not 'hilarious'-funny. Cuz I'm not that funny, really.
They mean 'different.' Not fitting in any of the "women" boxes they keep laid out as options for what kinds of women exist and how to categorize them.
And I'm kind of tired of it.
A friend said, "well, that's kind of flattering" lol! As if I'm supposed to be all impressed with myself or something. Or impressed with the fact that two someones two days in a row have been surprised at my personality, my openness, my freedom, my authenticity, at the lack of fucks that I give. What is there to be flattered by??? That I broke a mold? At my own existence outside of a box? I never fucked with the box anyway. Flattered by who or by what now?
Y'know, I'm not. flattered.
I dont care.
I actually find it quite annoying.
Because here I am just presented with a man so used to boxing women in. So used to meeting woman upon woman that he throws into a category and never takes a second look at. Someone who is so sure that every woman he meets just fits here or there, in this fixed space, without dynamism. Without my favorite word: nuance.
So I'm not flattered, damn. I'm actually slightly disgusted at what is clearly either the lack of free, radically authentic women in his life that I somehow stand out like a sore thumb, or a green one, or just one that's just twiddling independently for a while, to its own damn tune...
OR I'm disgusted at his lack of seeing the diversity, the nuance, the authenticity right in front of him every day that when he faces me, who is unabashedly so and incredibly energetic about it, that I somehow seem different from my already dynamic AF sisters.