13/30 - Dudes are Dumb (a short story)

I come home from work, get out of my car and go to check my mail and as I'm walking my neighbor's dumba** friend says, "You know I'm too old to be having a crush" - which I barely hear because it doesn't totally resonate that he might be talkin to me.
I arrive at said mailbox, take out my mail, see it's all wack sh*t and dude repeats, this time louder and walking my way, 
"You know I'm too old to be havin a crush now!" 
("pfffttt!!" I think) And I mumble, "oh," kinda wit an attitude cuz like, who the F cares...
but fr fr my dude. Y'know, YOU PROLLY RIGHT! You probably ARE too old to be havin a crush. So what now? Am I now supposed to be interested in you after your confession of clear and obvious immaturity? Am I supposed to feel bad for you like, "ohhhh, you got a crush on me" which happened in all of like: 15 seconds. Am I supposed to then proceed to massage your weak AF male ego? Cuz I guess the heteronormative patriarchy might dictate that I, a young and highly capable woman, must have so much compassion for your weakness and your vulnerability that I immediately run up to you and rub your back to make you feel better cuz you got a crush. Poor you.
Maaaannnnnn.... Miss me wit ALL THAT.
I'm just tryna get the mail ova here.