On Being Seasonally Appropriate

I am drinking more wine now because apparently that is the cure for a loss in the soul
or so my hands choose to believe

It is winter. Or, it feels like winter, to me. So I guess that makes sense even though it isn't if you just take my word for it.

I would be this cold already. I'm seasonally appropriate.

"When I allow the God within me to speak, it wants to talk with you" 
is not a simple text message to send
to anyone.


Quite the contrary. But it must be the most honest and real and heavy and deep and entirely devastating thing I have said in a while,
to anyone.
Devastating because I know we should not talk.
Not now.
Because growth and because not growth. And because you can't make someone ready for you, you can only stay ready and weather the storms as the not-so-ready pass you by...

Keep your chin up, maybe the next one will be less storm, more re-birth.

"soulmates are real... they show up when you do" - Curron Aspernaut Gajadhar.
I agree. Though if you show up and they don't, does that mean you're not soulmates?
Yes.

Okay, so if you show up and they show up and you stay and they just don't then...
yeah. that's called devastation

with a soul full of lead bullets you can't fire at anyone
and a heart half-full of air, what a pathetic balloon-dreaming-thing
being weighed down by the dead-weight of their gone.
How do you weather the storm of it's leaving?
Do you become storm too? Follow its path, hope you catch up, eye to eye
and destroy each other? 
Or find peace?
Do you conjure that infinite shake that rattled your bones, turned your marrow into waterfall
and kept you completely still all at the same time?

This was going to be so much more poignant before I sat down to write it. I swear.

But you can't make someone meet you at the bridge...


"Someone can be madly in love with you and still not be ready. They can love you in a way you have never been loved and still not join you on the bridge. And whatever their reasons you must leave. Because you never ever have to inspire anyone to meet you on the bridge. You never ever have to convince someone to do the work to be ready. There is more extraordinary love, more love that you have never seen, out here in this wide and wild universe. And there is the love that will be ready." — Nayyirah Waheed


And if I have nothing left to share, let that be it.